A Shakespearian Classic Gone Horribly Wrong
by Sorcerer Huntress
Summary: Oh my... Yu-Gi-Oh! Characters working on Romeo and Juliet.... Jounochi plays Juliet, who will be Romeo? Lots of Shonen-ai! Yaoi References, and too much Anzu bashing with Mai treated like a God. Who let Cafe write this?!
1. Introduction! Yay!

**Café: **Although it makes me saaaaaaad….. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Jounochi! Oh well! I do own this shiney new quarter! And this pet rock!! 

**Pet Rock:**  ………………..

**Café:** You've been awfully quiet lately…

**Café:** Welcome!! This is my Retelling of Romeo and Juliet… Gone Yu-Gi-Oh! So in this chapter/introduction I'll introduce who will be playing the Characters. Romeo will be played as Seto Kaiba.

**Kaiba:** What?! Me? Romeo?

**Café:** Yes. And the ever-so-beautiful Juliet will be played by none other than Jounochi! 

**Jounochi:** O.O NANI?! ME?!?! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO BE JULIET?!

**Café:** Because I said so! 

**Jounochi:** *pout*

**Café:** The lovely role of Mercucio will be played by Yami!

**Yami: **M-me?! But I don't wanna be in your play!

**Yugi:** There's no escape….

**Café:** Oh it'll be okay! ^_^ 

**Yami:** *scared* 

**Café:** The Firey Tybalt will be played by Bakura, and Marik will play Paris! 

**Bakura:** But I don't wanna be in your stupid play.

**Ryou:** But Bakura…. You promised me that we'd do anything I wanted on our next date! 

**Bakura:** *blushes* Y-yeah…. But being in a Romeo and Juliet play?!

**Ryou:** If you do it, I'll…. *censored*

**Bakura:** *blushing a hundred shades of red*

**Marik:** Well, I don't know about Bakura anymore, but I'm NOT going to be in this childish play!

**Café:** But Romeo and Juliet is a very Adult play! And plus Marik, there's plenty of death in it….

**Marik:** ^_^ Well, then why didn't you say so?!

**Café:** *sweatdrop* That's kinda scary… Anyways… Benvolio will be played by Ryou!

**Bakura:** But that makes us enemies!! *hugs Ryou*

**Café:** Does it look like give a crap?

**Bakura:** Hey! I'M supposed to be the one with the bad attitude!

**Café:** Well too bad!

**Yugi and Honda:** Don't we get a part?!

**Café:** Oh yeah! Yugi will play…. Um… Nurse! And Honda will play Friar Lawrance!

**Yugi:** WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A GIRL?!!!!

**Jounochi:** At least you don't have to be Juliet…. *sulk sulk*

**Honda:** Can you tell me why I'm the Friar?

**Café:** nope. 

**Honda:** but… I don't wanna be the Friar….

**Café:** Well too bad!

**Honda:** I don't even want to be in this play.

**Café:** Why does everyone keep saying that!?!

**Marik:** Because It's a retarded play.

**Kaiba:** *nods*

**Café:** YOU ALL ARE GONNA BE IN THIS PLAY AND LIKE IT!!!!!

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop* H-hai…. *are very very scared*

**Mai:** Hi! I just came here because I heard there was a play or something….

**Café:** Wanna be the Prince Escalius?

**Mai:** Okay! ^_^

**Café:** *to Marik and Kaiba* See?! SOMEBODY wants to be in it!

**Kaiba and Marik:** *shake heads*

**Anzu: **Can I be in the play?

**Café: **Well… since I hate you, you can be the horse that Mai rides! ^_^ 

**Anzu: **Yay!! I'm in the play!!!

**Yami: **So damn naive… 

**Café:** Now… Act one scene one will start in just a while! (We have to get them in their costumes!) So be patient!!!

**Jounochi:** *from somewhere in the back* I am NOT wearing a dress!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Mai:** YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Café:** *sweatdrop*


	2. The Prologue Why is Yugi naked!

Disclaimer: 

Café: I found out that my pet rock was planning an evil plot against me and humanity, so I threw it in Anzu's backyard. So now I must say that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Romeo Juilet, or any quotes that were used in the actual play of Romeo and Juliet. I just own this idea…. (Sad isn't it…?) My god, but I wish I own Jounochi and Kaiba…. *drools*

**Mokuba:** Two households both alike in dignity. Except one was better than the other because one had my big brother in it!

**Shizuka:** No way! The other one was better because it had MY big brother!

**Mokuba:** Oh yeah?! Well, my brother's president of Kaiba Corp!

**Shizuka:** My brother's blonde!

**Mokuba:** Well, my brother saved me from Pegasus!

**Shizuka:** My brother won money for my eye surgery! 

**Mokuba:** My brother is one of the top duelists in the world!

**Shizuka:** Well, my brother got second place in the Duelist Kingdom Tournament! 

**Café:** Hey! Who said you two would say the prologue! *pissed*

**Mokuba and Shizuka:** AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs away*

**Café:** Damn little brats!! Well anyways… I'll go on saying the rest of the prologue! *clears throat* Ahem… 

Two households both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona where we lay our scene-

**Ryou:** Actually, it's in Domino City….

**Café:** Shut-up!!! The script says Verona, so I'm gonna say Verona!!!

**Ryou:** But it's in Domino City…

**Café:** I said…. Verona… *pissed beyond words*

**Ryou:** Okay! Okay!!! It's in Verona!!! *panic panic*

**Café:** AS I WAS SAYING! Ahem…

From ancient grudge, breaks new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean:

**Mokuba: **Make sure to always wash your hands! 

**Café:** What did I tell you?! 

**Mokuba:** Ah!!! *runs away*

**Café:** Yes, well… 

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes-****

**Jounochi:** Loins…?! *blink blink*

**Café:** NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERT!!!!!

**Jounochi:** Sure…. You just want me to believe that…

**Café:** *hits him over the head with a stick*

**Mai:** *comes and drags Jounochi back to the dressing room so she can get him in a dress*

**Café:** *sigh* Anyways, 

A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life:

Whose misadventured piteous overthrows,

Doth with tier dead bury their parents' strife.

**Yami:** *from somewhere in the back* I play the Dark Magician! In attack mode! 

**Kaiba:** *from somewhere in the back as well* Well that's no match for my Blue Eyes White Dragon!!!!

*White Lighting flies across the stage behind Cafe*

**Café:** When I get back there, everyone better be changed in their clothes!!

**Honda:** *runs across the stage holding an extra pair of clothes* Haha!!

**Yugi:** *runs across the stage naked* HONDA!!! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES!!!!!

**Café:** *sigh* I could have lived without seeing that….

The fearful passage of their death-marked love, 

And the continuance of their parents' rage,

Which but their children's end nought could remove,

**Anzu:** End to what?

**Café: **Your life hopefully…

**Anzu:** That's not nice. Friends don't give friends death threats. Friends…. *goes on and on with a friend speech and gets dragged away by Marik and Bakura*

**Café:** Thank you….

Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage.

*some car honks outside* 

**Café:** that was so weird…I'll never get this done….

**Honda:** I think you're almost done…

**Café:** Really?! Yay! *continues*

The which if you with patient ears attend, 

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend. 

*audience applause*

**Café:** *bows* Well, now that's done…. 

**Yugi:** *runs across stage naked again*

**Café:** Again: I could have lived without seeing that! 

**Yami:** *still from somewhere in the back* Dark Magician!!! Dark Magic Attack!!!

**Café:** *walks in the way*

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop*

**Café:** *hair is screwed up* Yami…. I swear…. I'll kill you…..

**Yami:** *scared* 

**Café:** *gets out a duel disk and a deck* Go Twin Headed Thunder Dragon!!! Electrocute him!!! Thunder Breath!!! 

**Yami:** *gets electrocuted* Itai….. 

**Café:** Act 1 Scene shall start after we revive Yami. 


	3. Act 1 Scene 1 A VERY long Speech for Mai...

**Disclaimer: **

**Café:** Someone… save me… The Pet Rock!!! I SWEAR!!!!!!! THE PET ROCK!!!!! IT'S AFTER ME!!!!!!!!

**Amora (I guess you can say she's Café's yami…):** Heh, you're such a whimp. And… did you forget to take your medication today?

**Café:** NO!!! I SWEAR!!!!! THE PET ROCK IS AFTER ME!!!!

**Amora:** *rolls eyes* Sure… I swear, my hikari's so stupid… I'm outta here. Bye. *leaves*

**Café:** Well, before the Pet Rock of Doom gets me, I'll say that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Romeo and Juliet. I also don't own half of the Shakespearian quotes in here. All I DO own, is a love for Jounochi, and an undying love for yaoi and shonen-ai. 

*the pet rock comes up behind Cafe*

**Café:** O.o;;;; AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Pet Rock of Doom:** MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *insert dramatic reverb here*

**Café:** *looking at script* Crap!! I didn't realize that there were so many roles that needed to be filled. AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN THAT IMPORTANT!!!!!!! I guess I'll have to use the losers, erm… I mean, supporting characters of Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Yami:** *still passed out*

**Café:** Good. I have a few more minutes…. Erm… Who wants to be a Capulet?!

**Shizuka, Miho, and Sogoroku:** I do!!

**Café:** Um… okay… Sogoroku (that's Yugi's Grandpa for those of you who don't know) I don't think you can be in the play… 

**Sogoroku:** WHY?!

**Café:** You're old and crusty. And plus, what would happen if you randomly had a heart attack on us?!

**Sogoroku: **My heart is just… Ack! *falls over because of a random heart attack*

**Shizuka and Miho:** *sweatdrop*

**Café:** What'd I tell you… *drags him into a closet and hides him there* Anyways… I need one more person to be a Capulet! Who wants to be a Capulet?

**Otogi:** I do! 

**Café:** Okay! Now, who wants to be a Montague?

**Mokuba, Pegasus, and Isis:** I do! 

*Yami starts to gain consciousness*

**Café:** Okay! Whoo! Let's start Act 1 Scene 1!!! ^_^ *just realizes something* Ack! I need an Officer!! Who wants to be an Officer?!

**Bandit Keith:** I do!!! 

**Café:** Yay! Now we can start!!! 

**Honda:** *runs past everyone with an extra change of clothes again*

**Yugi:** *runs after him, STILL naked* HONDA!!!!!!!!!

**Everyone:** O.o;;;;; *sweatdrop*

**Café:** Anyways…. Um… Let's start…

*Isis Comes on stage holding a sign that says, "Act one, Scene one" (Whoot! No originality points there!!)*

*Otogi and Miho come on stage*

**Otogi:** I swear those Montague perverts! Ya'know the one with the eye?! HE WAS TRYING TO GROPE ME!!!

**Miho:** Those Montague dogs!

**Otogi:** The next time he tries to make a move on me, I'll kick his ass! *grips his plastic sword*

**Miho:** You better not get into a fight… It'd be worth more than you life, though that's not saying much…

**Otogi:** When I'm mad, I'm a bitch on wheels!

**Everybody:** *sweatdrop*

**Café:** *watching from backstage* They're not even saying the right lines…

*Pegasus and Isis walk on stage*

**Miho:** 'Tis well thou are not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John: *Gets out her plastic sword* Draw thy tool, here comes two of the house of Montagues.

**Otogi:** Um… Can you say it in words I can understand…?

**Café:** Oh god, oh god… the one time Miho says the right lines, Otogi doesn't understand them…

**Miho:** What I SAID was, it's a good thing you're not a fish, cause you'd be the worst catch. ANYWAYS, get out your sword because two Montague losers are coming.

**Otogi:** Ooooohh…. *understands and gets out his plastic sword* My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.

**Miho:** Fist of all, WHEN DO YOU ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO THE SKRIPT?! And second, you're gonna turn your back and run?!

**Otogi:** Fear me not!! ^_^

**Miho:** Not of you…. *sweatdrop*

**Otogi:** We have the law on our side if we let them attack first. Shizuka's on our side too… *thinks about Shizuka and a big goofy grin appears on his face*

**Jounochi:** *yells from backstage* HEY!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MY SISTER?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Mai:** *from backstage too* JOUNOCHI KATSUYA!!!! YOU GET BACK HERE AND GET IN THAT DRESS!!!!!!!

**Jounochi:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *clunk*

**Mai:** OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!! *laughs as she drags Jounochi back to the dressing rooms*

**Everyone Backstage:** *sweatdrop*

**Honda:** Heh heh… *runs past everyone with a change of clothes yet again*

**Yugi:** HONDA!!! I'M SERIOUS!!!!!! *runs after Honda*

**Kaiba:** WILL YOU PUT SOME CLOTHES ON?! *is going to attack Yugi*

**Marik:** *tries to calm Kaiba down* Wait!!! I want to kill him before you do!!!

*anyways, back to the stage*

**Miho:** I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list.

**Otogi:** Well, I'll just flip them the bird. *flips them off*

**Pegasus:** Do you bite your thumb at us sir?

**Otogi:** No. I flipped you off jackass. 

**Miho:** No! BAKA!!! The law isn't on our side anymore!!

**Otogi:** Well, I mean… um…I did not flip you off….  ^_^;;; *sweatdrop*

**Miho:** Are you looking for trouble?

**Pegasus:** *notices how good-looking Otogi is* Not anymore…

**Otogi:** Ah! Miho!! Help!! *hides behind Miho* 

**Miho:** COWARD!!!

**Otogi:** Um.. ah… *gets a sudden boost of confidence* But if you do sir, I am for you; I swerve as a good man as you.

**Pegasus:** No better?

**Otogi:** Well, uh…

*Ryou and Bakura get pushed on stage*

**Miho:** *whispering* Say better! Ryou erm.. I mean Benvolio is coming!

**Otogi:** Um… better.

**Pegasus:** You liar!

**Otogi:** If you really are a man, then I'll duel you! *gets out a deck*

**Pegasus:** You shall loose and then you'll be mine… *winks*

**Café:** *from backstage again* WHAT THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY'RE DOING?!

**Yugi:** *covering his goods* It looks like they're gonna duel.

**Café:** *falls down anime style*

**Honda:** *runs past Yugi*

**Yugi:** AH!!! *goes after Honda* HONDA!!!!

*back to the action on stage*

**Ryou:** *panic panic* You two should break it up! You don't know what you're doing!

**Bakura: ***monotone* What, art thou drawn among these hartless hinds…? Turn thee Benvolio, look upon thy death…

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop*

**Miho:** You think he'd put some emotion into that…

**Ryou:** Well, I'm just trying to keep the peace! Now help stop them, or I'll break up with you!

**Bakura:** *blink blink* You'd break up with me…?

**Ryou:** If you don't help me. 

**Bakura:** But… Ryou… 

**Ryou:** Help me. Or else I won't *censored*

**Everyone:** eeewwww….. *sweatdrop*

*backstage*

**Café:** *nosebleed*

**Jounochi:** You sicken me… *clunk*

**Mai:** Ladeedadeeda… *drags Jounochi away to get him in the dres… AGAIN*

*back on stage*

**Everyone:** *start dueling each other for no real reasons, just because they feel like it*

**Shizuka: **Ah! I wanna duel too! *random kid kicks her in the shin* OUCH!! BASTARD!!! *realizes kid is Mokuba* YOU ARE SOOOO DEAD LITTLE MAN!!!!

**Mokuba:** Heh… just try to get me… 

*backstage*

**Café:** MAI!!! GET YOUR ASS ON THE STAGE!!! I'LL GET JOU IN THE DRESS!!

**Mai:** Oh! Okay!! *runs on stage*

*back on stage*

**Mai:** *riding on Anzu who is dressed up like a horse* 

**Anzu:** Neh!! ^_^

**Bakura:** So damn naïve…

**Mai:** Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace!!

*nobody listens*

**Mai:** Are these idiots deaf…? HEY EVERYBODY LISTEN TO ME!!!!

*everyone stops dueling*

**Mai:** That's better. Ahem, 

What ho, you men, you beasts

That quench the fire of your pernicious rage

With purple fountains issuing from your veins:

On pain of torture, from those bloody hands, 

Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground, 

And hear the sentence of your moved Princess! *winks*

Three civil brawls bred of an airy word,

By thee Young Capulet and very, VERY young Montague,

Have thrice disturbed the quiet of our streets,

And made Verona's ancient citizens

Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments

To wield old partisans, in hands as old,

Cankered with peace, to part your cankered hate. \

If ever you disturb our streets again

Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.

For this time all the rest depart away; 

You, Shizuka, shall go along with me, 

And Mokuba, come you this afternoon, 

To know our farther pleasure in this case, 

To old Freetown, our common judgement-place.

Once more, on pain of death, all men depart. 

**Everyone:** whoa…

**Mai:** *gasp pant wheeze* That… was so long… and I don't know… what I just… said…

**Anzu:** My arms… they hurt… *collapses and Mai falls off of her*

**Everyone:** *beats Anzu up then leaves*

**Audience:** YAY!!!!! ^_^

*Mai is carried backstage, and Anzu is kicked backstage*

**Mokuba:** Who started this? Were you here when it began?

**Ryou:** Otogi was dueling with Pegasus before I came. I tried to separate them, then Kura-chan came and we started to fight. Good thing the Prince… I mean, Princess came, because I almost didn't *censored*

*Kaiba comes out to cover up Mokuba's ears*

**Mokuba:** huh…? What…?

**Kaiba:** *walks back to where he was backstage*

**Mokuba:** Well, where is my Nissan?

**Ryou:** I saw him depressed over some guy a while ago. I think it was Yami.

**Mokuba:** My poor Nissan has been crying over somebody a lot. He locks himself in his office and just works, works, works. It's really dark in that office… *panic* WHAT IF AN EVIL SPIRIT IS TAKING OVER HIS BODY?!

**Ryou:** Um… I don't think so…

**Mokuba:** Good. *sniffle sniffle*

**Ryou:** Have you asked him what's wrong?

**Mokuba:** Yeah. I bugged him a lot. But he just said, *imitates Kaiba's voice* "I just need to work." I think he's lying to me. I'll just poke him till he tells me.

*Kaiba comes in*

**Ryou:** Oh, well speak of the devil.

**Mokuba:** NISSAN!!! *hugs Kaiba and leaves*

**Ryou:** Good morrow, cousin.

**Kaiba:** It's still morrow?! 

**Ryou:** But new struck nine.

**Kaiba:** When you're depressed, it sucks because time just…. Sucks. Um… What's up with Mokuba…?

**Ryou:** *sweatdrop* We thought that YOU'D know. Anyways, why are you depressed?

**Kaiba:** Love.

**Ryou:** In love?

**Kaiba:** Out. 

**Ryou:** Of love?

**Kaiba:** Out of his favor where I am in love. 

**Ryou:** Yes. Well… love sucks. 

**Kaiba:** You're the one who has a boyfriend… Hey, what was the dueling about-wait, don't tell me, I heard all about it. I should have used my Blue Eyes White Dragon, and then I would have annihilated EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!! *evil laughter* Ahem… yes, well Yami is hot and he doesn't want me. Because I'm a dammed Montague!!! 

**Ryou:** Sucks for you… 

**Kaiba:** Love sucks, love sucks

**Ryou:** According to the script, you fall in love again, but with somebody who's supposedly better than Yami. 

**Kaiba:** I know THAT.

**Ryou:** FINE THEN!!!!! I WON'T HELP YOU!!! *walks away pissed off*

*bakcstage*

**Café:** AH!!! WHAT IS RYOU DOING?! HE CAN'T WALK OUT!!!!!

**Ryou:** Well I just did…

Café: Oh well… Um… I guess we should start on Act 1 Scene 2. I hope Yami wakes up in time…

**Yami:** *snore*


	4. Act 1 Scene 2 TIME TO PARTAY! Drink up!

**Disclaimer:**

**Café:** *pant pant* I just…. Threw the pet rock… in a river… I don't think he'll come back….

**Amora:** Wow. I guess you really weren't high on the last chapter. 

**Café: **I TOLD YOU!!!!!!

**Faia:** Heh, you're so friggen stupid Café.

**Café:** HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?!

**Faia:** *shrugs* Big Momma  put me on assignment here… (ANYBODY who knows Sorcerer Hunters would get this… and why my name is Café… but yeah…)

**Café:** WHAT THE HELL?!

**Faia**: I think she wanted me to baby-sit you.

**Café:** Did you bring Kometto with you?

**Faia:** NO WAY!!! Why would I bring my baka of a brother?!

**Café:** Because he's my boyfriend…

**Faia:** Amora and I only live to piss you off.

**Amora:** *nods*

**Café:** *sigh* I guess I'll say that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Romeo and Juliet. I also don't own whatever Shakespearian quotes used in here. All I do own is… um… 

**Amora:** A yami who hates you?

**Faia:** A habit of destroying cities?

**Café:** grr…. I own a love for Jounochi and shonen-ai… *drool drool drool* Yes, well… on with the story. 

**Bandit Keith:** You said I was gonna be Officer in the last scene!!

**Café:** Well, I forgot that I edited him out…

**Bandit Keith:** So I'm not in the play?

**Café:** Oh, you're not getting off THAT easily!! I have a role just for you. *gives him the script*

**Bandit Keith:** NANI?! PAGE?! WHAT THE HELL?!!?!?!?!

**Café:** Well, it's an important role. Especially in this scene.

**Bandit Keith:** Fine… *sigh*

**Café:** Yay! *looks over at Yami who is STILL knocked out* Um.. I'm glad he's not in this scene yet…

**Honda:** *runs past again* DAHAHA!!!!!!

**Yugi:** *still butt naked running after him* HONDA!!!!!!!!!

**Café:** I'm glad they're not in this scene either… *sigh* Let's just get this over with…

*Isis walks out on stage holding a sign that says, "Act 2 Scene 2" (YAY!! STILL NO ORIGINALITY POINTS!!! ^_^)*

*Shizuka and Marik are talking on stage*

**Shizuka:** Well, if Mokuba tries to start any fights, he'll die just like me… I don't think it should be hard for us to keep the peace. 

**Marik:** Yeah, yeah… Back to what we were talking about before… What do you think of me marrying Jounochi?

**Shizuka:** I'll say it again!! I don't know if Onii-chan is gay or not! I think he is because he and Yami seem to be getting along well… but I'm not so sure. 

**Marik:** I think it's time he came out of the closet! ^_^ I'll marry him in Vermont and we'll have sex every day!! ^_^

**Shizuka:** But… he's my Onii-chan… My ONLY Onii-chan… You can try to flirt with him at the party I'm holding! ^_^ I'm gonna invite everyone that's cool!! Unlike Mokuba… heh heh… I think there might be some hot guys. And if you like any of them, just make them gay! ^_^ Hook up with someone! Remember that song, "One is the Loneliest Number?" Don't be alone! DRINK SAKE AND PAAAAAAAAARTAY!!!!

**Marik:** You're drunk right now, aren't you…?

**Shizuka:** *hick* Maybe…. 

**Marik:** Sure….

**Shizuka:** *hands some paper to Bandit Keith* Go around Domino City…

*backstage*

**Ryou:** SEE!!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!!!!

**Café:** It's… Verona….*clenches fists*

**Ryou:** o.O;;;; Sorry….

*back onstage*

**Shizuka:** And tell everyone on that list to come on over to PAAAAAAAAARTAY!!!!

**Bandit Keith:** *sweatdrop* H-hai…. O.o;;

*Shizuka and Marik leave*

**Bandit Keith:** Find who's names are written here… *looks around* I'm not a damn mailman!!!!

**Café:** *from backstage* You ARE a mailman!

**Bandit Keith:** Well, you gave the job to the wrong person! You should've known I have-

**Honda:** *backstage too* a bad sense of direction.

**Café:** Really?

**Bandit Keith:** YES!

**Yugi:** *running, STILL naked* HONDA!! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES!!!!!

**Honda:** Crap! *runs away*

**Yugi:** *runs past everyone* HONDAAAAAAA!!!!

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop*

**Jounouchi:** *shirtless, so now we can all drool over him… ^_^ * He should really put some clothes on…

**Mai:** *gets a rope and hogties Jou* OHOHOHOHOHO!!!! Now it's time for the Dress!!!! *drags Jou away*

**Jounouchi:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop*

*back on stage*

*Ryou and Kaiba enter on stage*

**Ryou:** Tut, man! Fight fire with fire! Pain is lessened by pain! All you gotta do is stop thinking of Yami. Just find somebody new and love him! …. or her…

**Kaiba:** Sake is better for that…

**Ryou:** For what, I pray thee?

**Kaiba:** Your idiotic advise.

**Ryou:** Why, Romeo, art thou mad?

**Kaiba:** Not really… I feel like I'm in prison, whipped and starved. And-*notices Bandit Keith walking aimlessly around the stage* What the hell is he doing here…?

**Bandit Keith:** *sweatdrop* Don't ask… I just wanna know, if you know any of these people. *shows him the list*

**Kaiba:** Ay, mine own fortune in my misery. 

**Bandit Keith:** Can you tell me where they are…?

**Kaiba:** No.

**Bandit Keith:** FINE!!! SCREW YOU THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! *leaves*

**Café:** OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!! *pushes him back onstage* 

**Bandit Keith:** *sigh* My master is the great rich Shizuka, and if you be not of the house Mokuba leads, I pray come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry. *leaves*

**Ryou:** A party at Shizuka's? You KNOW that Yami is going to be there along with a lot of other single people. Go there, and find someone better than even Yami! See someone who will make your swan look like a crow!

**Kaiba:** If I did that, I'd never be able to forgive myself! And plus… A guy hotter than Yami? Like hell!

**Ryou:** You thought he was hot because you had nobody to compare him with! Let her have some competition! I'll show you some guys at the party and he'll look not even half as good!

**Kaiba:** Fine… I'll go. But I won't like it. 

*Kaiba and Ryou leave*

*backstage*

**Café:** Wow… That scene actually went right… kinda. 

**Yami:** *snore* 

**Café:** I'm SO glad we have a few more scenes until he's needed…

**Café:** GOMENNASSAI MINNA-SAN!!!!!!! *bows down* I would like to apologize for the EXTREMELY long update! But here is my truthful excuse! Well, at first I was grounded from the computer, so I couldn't type this up… -_-; and THEN my friend had to borrow my Romeo and Juliet book for her class… I barely got it back today, so…. ^_^ Here ya go! I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed! This is one of the few stories I've enjoyed updating! Hope you read the next chapters! 


	5. Act 1 Scene 3 Yugi FINALLY has CLOTHES! ...

**Café:** HOLY CRAP IT'S BACK!!!!

**Pet rock of Doom (POD):** *laughs evilly* YOU CANNOT ESCAPE MY DOOM!!!!

**Café:** NOOOOO!!!!

**POD:** AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! AHAHAHAHA-huh?!

**Café: ***Picks him up and chucks him into another river* TAKE THAT BASTARD!!!!! ^_^; Well, before it comes back, I might as well say that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or any *Shakespearian quotes used in here! All I do own is a copy of Romeo and Juliet, and an Evil pet rock that's trying to kill me… Not to mention a love for JounouchixKaiba lemons…. *drools* Yes… well, on with the next scene.

**Honda:** *knocked out*

**Yugi:** *in a dark blue dress* Uh… I ran around naked for this?!

**Café, Mai, Anzu, and Ryou:** *squee* KAWAII!!!!!!!! ^_^

**Yugi:** *sweatdrop* This isn't fair… -_-"

**Café:** But it's so cute on you!! Hey, I wonder if Mai got Jounouchi in a dress yet…

**Mai:** *from somewhere in a dressing room* ALMOST!!!

**Café:** Good! Let's start Act 1 Scene 3 now! 

*Isis walks onstage holding a sign that says "Act 1 Scene 3", and I STILL have no creativity points there!* 

*Shizuka and Yugi walk on stage*

**Shizuka: **Yugi, where's my Onii-chan? Call him forth to me.

**Yugi:** Now by my virginity-

**Kaiba:** *from backstage* VIRGINITY MY ASS!!!!

**Yugi:** *yells at Kaiba from where he is onstage* WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU?!!!!

**Kaiba: **AND WHO WAS IT WHO USED MY LIMO AS A BEDROOM WITH YAMI?!!!!

**Yugi:** *blushes* Well… Yes Shizuka, *bows… I mean, curtsies in his dress ^_^* I'll go get Jounouchi. *calls* JOUNOUCHI-KUUUUUUN!!!!!

*backstage*

**Mai:** Jounouchi!!! Get out there!

**Jounouchi:** *behind a curtain* No way in hell…

**Mai:** YOU'RE GETTING OUT THERE WHEITHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!!!!! *picks up and throws Jounouchi out onto the stage*

**Jounouchi:** *in a pink and light purple dress, silver tiara, and in heels* O.O; *blush* H-how now, who c-calls?…………….. DAMN YOU MAI!!!!!

**Café and Ryou:** *from backstage* KAWAII!!!!!!! -^_^-

**Bakura and Marik: ***sweatdrop*

**Café:** *starts to nosebleed*

**Kaiba:** *nosebleeds too*

**Café:** *applying tissue to her nose* Mai, you should be in charge of the costumes! 

**Mai:** Really? You'll let me do that?

**Café:** Hai! ^_^ For the Party you're doing all the costume work for Jounouchi and Seto!

**Mai:** ^_^ *starts to do a funky little dance*

**Kaiba:** Crap… This isn't good.

*back onstage*

**Yugi:** Your sister would like a word with you. 

**Jounouchi:** Shizuka? Whadaya want?

**Shizuka:** This is the matter. Yugi, give leave awhile, we must talk in secret. 

*Yugi starts to leave*

**Shizuka:** Wait! Come back again Yugi! I have remembered me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou knowest my Onii-chan's of a pretty age.

**Yugi:** If I hadn't meet Yami, I'd be in bed with him right now.

**Jounouchi:** O.o;;; *sweatdrop* Is that why you were always nice to me before you met Yami…?

**Yugi:** *embarrassed but nods*

**Jounouchi:** *still wierded out* T-that's nice… I guess…

**Shizuka:** He's only a little older than you. But I want to talk about marriage with you Onii-chan. Tell me Katsuya, how do you feel about falling in love with other men?

**Jounouchi:** *blink blink* Um… I dunno. I've never thought about it. 

**Yugi:** You like guys, right Jou-kun?

**Jounouchi:** I am SO confused right now… What are we talking about? 

*backstage*

**Café:** Did he just zone out…? *sweatdrop*

**Kaiba:** I'd say he did………… But DAMN he looks sexy!

**Café:** So you have feelings for Jou-chan, Seto-kun?

**Kaiba:** *blush* No… I don't have feelings for that stupid dog… Maybe.

**Mai:** Aw… How cute! Jou's getting a boyfriend!

**Kaiba:** I am NOT that dog's boyfriend!

**Café:** Well, according to the play you marry him.

**Kaiba:** Is that even legal…?

**Café:** Only in Vermont and a few other states! ^_^ I'll arrange that for you two later. Right now all you have to think about Seto-kun, is the honeymoon.

**Kaiba: ***nosebleeds again*

*back onstage*

**Shizuka:** We're talking about men, Onii-chan. Here in Domino City everyone is hooking up. You should really get a boyfriend. Plus, Marik wants you. 

**Yugi:** He's hot too!

**Jounouchi:** Does Yami know you like other men,too?

**Yugi:** No. If you tell him, I'll kill you. ^_^

**Jounouchi:** O.o;; The little man is scaring me. 

**Shizuka:** What say you, can you love the gentleman?

This night you shall behold him at our party… erm, I mean feast; 

Read o'er the volume of young Marik's face

And find delight writ there with beauty's pen.

Examine every married lineament

And see how one another lends content;

And what obscure in this fair volume lies,

Find written in the margent of his eyes.

This precious book of love, this unbound lover,

To beautify him only lacks a cover.

The fish lives in the sea; and 'tis much pride

That book in many's eyes doth share the glory

That in gold clasps locks in the golden story.

So shall you share all that he doth possess,

By having him, making yourself no less.

**Yugi:** No less, nay bigger. I'd say his *censored* is pretty decent. 

**Jounouchi:** I'll look to like, if looking liking move, but no more deep will I endart mine eye than your consent gives strength to make it fly. 

**Café:** CRAP!!! *Pushes Bandit Keith onstage who was having a cup of coffee*

**Bandit Keith:** O.o;; *spills his coffee on himself* SHIT!!! *notices he's onstage and remembers his lines* Madam, the guests are come, supper is served up, you called my young man asked for, the Nurse cursed in the pantry, and everything is extremity. I must hence to wait, I beseech you follow straight. *runs off to dry off his coffee*

**Shizuka:** Onii-chan, the party's gonna start soon, so please get a good costume on. 

**Jounouchi:** Who's gonna design it? *thinks of his dress*

**Shizuka:** I think Mai will.

**Jounouchi:** *sweatdrop* Dear god…

**Yugi:** *snicker* You'll look nice Jou-kun…

**Jounouchi:** No fair…

**Mai:**  *comes onstage and drags Jou off stage* Come on Jounouchi! ^_^ You need to get into the costume I prepared! ^_^

**Jounouchi:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! *nails dig into the floor and leave claw marks*

**Shizuka:** I need to go check on…. The sake! ^_^ Be right back! *leaves*

**Yugi:** *sweatdrop* O.o;;; I better go help Mai… *leaves*

*backstage*

**Café:** _ I don't see how that could have gotten any worse… Except Shizuka was better… kinda.

**Jounouchi:** *Running away from Mai in his dress* NOOOOOOOOO!!! 

**Mai:** KATSUYA JOUNOUCHI!!!! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!!!

*they run past everyone*

**Everyone:** *sweatdrop*

**Yugi:** *trying to revive Yami with some "mouth to mouth"* 

**Bakura and Ryou:** *making out for no apparent reason, they're just horny*

**Café:** *sweatdrop* I hope they don't act like this in the next scene…. _;


End file.
